There will be peace like we've never known.

It's been over 2 years since I began this blog. I am horrible about sticking with projects, but I know that I have these "entries" that are stuck inside me that need to come out. So much has happened in the past couple of years that I want to talk about...need to talk about...it's like therapy. Just really cheap therapy. So, I am not turning the TV on. Staying off of Facebook. Not answering the phone. For today, anyways. ;) Stick around.

Till I see you again.

Little Shan Cox died. To anyone outside of Sabine County, those words bring little emotion. To those of us in this little triangular shaped portion of Deep East Texas, those words bring devastation. He was a great kid, just turned 21 years old, the potential was there to be a great man. He had so many friends, and was from a huge family...there is so much grief in this little town, you can feel it in the air.

Shan's mom is one of my best friends. We have only been friends for about 3 years now...brought together by Barcheers. Go figure. I can't even tell you how or why we clicked, but we did and we've been through some shenanigans. We each know stories on the other that no one else knows. She is the reason that I decided to leave Brookshire Brothers to start chasing turnarounds. We have actually gotten to work on a couple of jobs together and we had a damn good time together.

My heart aches for her. She has always been fearful that something would happen to one of her kids, but mostly Shan. It's a fear that all parents have, but with Maria, it bordered on paranoia. It's almost as if she always knew he wasn't going to be here long and she actually dreamed of his death around the end of May. She was working in Wyoming and called me and told me about her dream...how bad it scared her. She even went to Shan and told him about it, begged him to be careful and he told her that he believed that if it was your time to go, nothing was going to stop it. Looking back on the accident...Shan was one of 3 people in that vehicle. None of them had seatbelts on, but yet Shan was the only who did not make it. I don't know if it was God's way of preparing Maria for what was coming, but in her heart of hearts, I think she knew it was.

I sat with Maria, on her back porch...just a couple of hours after the accident. Birds were singing, dawn was breaking, and she was trying to figure out how she was going to live the rest of her life without her son. I know this is a process that she is going to have to go work through on her on...As much loss as I have had in my life, I have never lost a child, and I just pray I never do. I'm here for you, Maria...

Raindrops on Roses...

Day 02 — Your favorite movie
I am really not a "movie" person, I subscribe to Netflix and NEVER watch my movies...Mom usually watches all the movies that come in and Charlye and Taylor stream it on their computer and the Wii, so it is actually worth the ten bux it costs every month.

I do tend to lean towards musicals. Go figure. I love love love The Sound of Music and cannot believe that I actually have friends who have never seen this movie. This movie was made before I was even born (yes, THAT old) and amazes me that I can get enthralled in it each and every time it shows up on TV (usually around Easter).  I also like both Sister Acts. Not really a fan of Whoopi, but those movies just make you smile.

The Sixth Sense is the epitome of a classic thriller. I remember going to the movies the first week of its release because I had seen the trailer and knew that it was going to be a "good" one. There were very few people in the theater, but the ones that were there heard me scream at least twice...but it was all good, because I wasn't the only one.

When I was a teenager, back in the times when you only had three tv stations, I remember staying up and watching a movie called Imitation of Life.  Wow. Talk about a powerful movie. Here is the description of it from IDMB...A struggling young actress with a six-year-old daughter sets up housekeeping with a homeless black widow and her light-skinned eight-year-old daughter who rejects her mother by trying to pass for white. This was probably one of the saddest movies I have ever seen. The fact that it was filmed in 1959 is amazing because it was before segregation had taken place and before MLK had his dream. The ending of this movie was so heartbreaking. Gonna try and put a clip in here...hopefully to inspire anyone reading this to go watch this movie.

There could never be just one...

Day 01 — Your favorite song
I have said it before...music is a HUGE part of my life, so I have favorite songS, so to make this fun...I am just gonna start a list of lines from my favorites. I know I am gonna forget songs so I am anticipating having to come back and update this list from time to time.

I am woman, hear me roar.
Slam, slam, oh hot damn.
My life seems so bent out of shape.
Why do I do the things I do.
She's in love with the boy.
If it turns blue, I should leave her alone.
Your licking your lips and blowing kisses my way.
Come on and lead me on...tease me all night long.
Why ya gotta be so mean?
She laid her heart and soul right in your hands.
Snap back to reality, oh there goes gravity.
Santa Claus...he gotta mouth full of cookies.
A superstar, but he didn't get far.
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now.
I drove my chevy to the levee but the levee was dry.
So much pain and so much darkness, in this world we stumble through.
Boots with the fur.
Nodding my head like yeah, moving my hips like yeah.
I might of been born just plain white trash.
Throw my tv out the window, smoke a bunch of endo.
I'll be fine and dandy.


Ok. enough for tonight. like i said, i am sure i will be revisiting cuz there will be a song pop up that i will have to add to this list...hope you have enjoyed trying to NAME THAT TUNE.

Can I get a little zip zip, (lookie lookie)

My challenge to myself...BLOG MORE. It is so therapeutic...I have one building inside right now, just a word of warning to the world, lol. It's gonna be a tear-jerker and, hopefully, an eye-opener.

Thanks to JD for this idea for kick-starting my blog...maybe it will me form a habit.

Day 01 — Your favorite song
Day 02 — Your favorite movie
Day 03 — Your favorite television program
Day 04 — Your favorite book
Day 05 — Your favorite quote
Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 — A fictional book
Day 14 — A non-fictional book
Day 15 — A fanfic
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — A recipe
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A YouTube video
Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 — Your day, in great detail
Day 26 — Your week, in great detail
Day 27 — This month, in great detail
Day 28 — This year, in great detail
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy

Now, I need a place to hide away....

Today, my youngest daughter made this post on facebook...

the holidays always make me think about my poppa and the gatherings we used to have with Francine Coker Kim Tomplait Coker Trent Coker and Tonya Coker Hebert. I'd kill for just one more december like that.
"I'm gonna walk with my grandaddy,
and he'll match me step for step,
and I'll tell him how I missed him,
every minute since he left....
Then I'll hug his neck."
Thurman Coker♥ one of the best men i've ever known.

 

My dad was a good man and most of our favorite holidays were the ones spent in his company...We would spend every Thanksgiving in Pine Grove on Coker Hill in the company of my brothers and me and our individual families, Fran and Thomas, and anybody who wanted to come to our "shin-digs". The day was filled with food, family, friends wandering in and out, football, skeet shooting, and lots and lots of BSing. It was great. It was fantastic. It was probably the best times of our lives. Christmas was spent in the same fashion, maybe a tad bit more hectic cause we always made the trek to Will's parents house as well.

 

Then came a life altering event for all of us...Daddy died. There were circumstances prior to his death that are too complicated to delve into now, but at the time caused extreme friction within the family. Things occurred that basically divided the family into two, and unto this day, each side truly believes that they were the one in the right. 

 

Stubborn...yeah, I think so....

 

Fast-forward almost a year later...Another life-altering shattering event...Will died.  This was devestating, not only to me and the girls, but to my whole family. Everybody loved Will. Sounds cheesy, but it's true. Will was a great person. End of story. One day, I am going to write a blog detailing his life. It's gonna take a while, and it is going to be really hard for me (emotionally) to write. I have mentally been writing it in my mind, and mentally been preparing myself for it...it is a story that needs to be told.

 

I digress.

 

With this second death in our family, we splintered. There were still bitter feelings from the upheaval we went through with Daddy's death and then something happened between myself and youngest brother, Craig, after we buried Will, that forever changed our family make-up.

 

Without going into sordid detail, and exposing nerves that are best left buried...let me just say that I can look back and realize that I reacted to a situation badly...instead of going to my brother and talking to him about it, I got angry. Boiling mad. Probably madder than I have ever been in my entire life. I realize NOW that I was going through the second stage of grief...anger...and Craig happened to be the person I could direct it at...after all, Will was gone...how can you be angry at a dead man? 

 

Now, I am not saying that I didn't have the right to be angry. I did. And I still bristle when I think about what happened, but I can also look at my reaction and know that I did so with extreme vengeance and in a way that was completely and utterly out of character for me.

 

Being able to recognize this, I am at a crossroads. Can I let go of this anger and hurt and disappointment to try and rebuild a bridge....or forever wash my hands of it and never look back even though I know how much my children yearn for yesterday?

 

 

Tin Roof. Is Rusted.

Wow...this is exactly what I was afraid would happen, should I attempt to become a "blogger"...the first few blogs would roll off my fingertips and then my famous (lack of) dedication would take over...So, here I am, almost a month after my last entry....playing catch-up.

Topics for Speak Now continually run through my mind...there are many aspects of my life that I would like to lay in print, not so much for the curiousity of others, but more for my own perspective. I have many stories to be told, some sad, some funny, some just plain ole bs of everyday life.

I have the next three or four weeks off from work...Vegas is fast approaching--the Pack plus 12 more.  I can't wait to write of our adventures. Charlye is home for now and Tay and Rylee are coming to spend a few days next week. All is right with the world. :)